cultivating my abundance of time: a season ripe for creation.
Slow, gentle days this summer. Precious moments are spent outside on the porch, listening to the harmonies of birds with a book on my lap during sunset hour. Each evening, I squint at the pages and attempt to read as much as I can before the inevitable darkness takes hold. I’m always amazed at how quickly the light leaves when I try to grasp onto it. Haven’t I learned yet the transient nature of it all?
I am reading “Journal of a Solitude” by May Sarton. I searched for this book throughout multiple bookstores, determined to find it used. It feels more special that way, to spontaneously get what I’ve been seeking in perfect timing. I finally came across a well-loved copy for less than two dollars at a chaotic but charming secondhand bookstore in Portland, sitting conspicuously at the very top of a pile of books. Its title and blurb called out to me, described as “an intimate diary of a year in the life of a creative woman.” I yearned to discover what was inside, to crack it open and get to the heart of it.
Immediately there is a kinship with Sarton, an understanding. She acknowledges how her time, the space she has to contemplate and create in solitude, is the most valuable. “I am happy to be alone—time to think, time to be,” she wrote. “This kind of open-ended time is the only luxury that really counts and I feel stupendously rich to have it.”
I consider this with immense gratitude. My career as an editorial writer is isolating and pays little, but there is wealth to be found in my time, flexibility, and freedom to deeply invest into myself, into the soul work. Often I have become restless with the amount of time I have; overwhelmed with all the possibilities and struggling with managing it properly. I am rich with something intangible, with what is most precious and longed for. This, I know, is a tremendous responsibility.
In the past, I worked part-time jobs just to fill in some of that intimidating space, but eventually it always fell apart, as there is something crucial to be mastered here about time and how to cultivate it; a soul lesson. It has taken almost seven years of exploration, of feeling stuck, of gaining a bit of momentum and losing it, to at last become dedicated to the inner calling. I am learning about the necessity of discipline, but I have let go of the pressure to rigidly follow a routine that is geared towards constant production.
“I always forget how important the empty days are, how important it may be sometimes not to expect to produce anything, even a few lines in a journal. A day where one has not pushed oneself to the limit seems a damaging day, a sinful day. Not so! The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room, not try to be or do anything.” –May Sarton
There must be an understanding of one’s own rhythm, and to leave room for spontaneity, for contemplation and rest.
On women artists and the creative process, bell hooks once wrote:
“I am a girl who dreams of leisure. Reverie has always been necessary to my existence. I have needed long hours where I am stretched out, wearing silks, satins, and cashmeres, just alone with myself, embraced by the beauty around me … When I have adorned myself just so, I am ready for the awesome task of just lingering, spending uninterrupted time with my thoughts, dreams, and intense yearnings.”
In my solitude, in this abundance of time that I have been gifted, I am gradually birthing art that is the most authentic to me. Similar to hooks, I choose to spend my wealth in ways that nurture my creative spirit and feminine energy.
So today, I will put on a flowing green dress and dance to Maribou State. I will lay in a field and embrace transience by studying the clouds. I will pay reverence to nature and lean into it, closer, closer. I will sit quietly and listen with obedience. And then, I will retrieve my notebooks and a tool for writing. I will gather the painting supplies, the tapestry loom, and the fibers. I will brew a cup of mint tea and let it simmer, wait. I will be graciously patient. Only then, yes, have I cultivated a space for creation to flow. The soil is fertile, and it is time to begin my wonderful work.
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Your words beautifully transport me to the serene moments you've been experiencing this summer. The vivid description of sitting on the porch, listening to the birds' harmonies as the sun sets, is a captivating image that evokes a sense of tranquility and connection with nature. Your reflection on the fleeting nature of light and the lessons it holds about life's transient moments is both poignant and relatable. It's a reminder that embracing impermanence can enrich our appreciation for each passing moment.
GOD I love your writing. Absolute incredible economy of words, like when you see a "simple" line drawing by an incredibly talented artist, and immediately you recognize what they're drawing and all I can do is simply wonder how artists accomplish that. Sometimes I feel like it takes me so many words to say everything I want to say, but none the less I love to read your writing.
I also love to find the particular book I'm looking for in used book stores or thrift shops. Although I haven't dedicated as much time to this endeavor as I'd like, especially lately. Thank you for reminding me how magical this moment is.
Regarding leisure time...I love your description and how you handle it. I love to write, and make daily progress on writing either on Substack or various forums, but after a few months my prose becomes as lifeless as a stale cracker. I only recently just snapped out of this white flour writing by being able to reconnect with a new passion, and it snapped my awareness to what I've been thinking.
I've noticed one thing that this world, or rather our current society, or perhaps just a very vocal minority within that society, is leisure time. This segment of our society loves to bark at those of us who are fortunate enough to have a bit of time to nurture our creativity, and if barking doesn't work then guilt might, so thats what they will go to. I recently quit a part time job, so I understand what you're saying throughout alot of this post, and only recently have I been able to embrace it and enjoy it like a small piece of fine chocolate.
There's something about your writing that is...absolutely delicious and I can not get enough. Looking forward to reading more.