surrender and flow in vibrant mexico city

letting go and leaning in to the wonders of life

As I write this, there are 400 of you on this journey with me! I have incredible appreciation for this community that began nearly a year ago today, and how it feels, at last, like a little corner where I am both seen and heard strictly through my writing, which is my most authentic and natural way of expressing my heart. It is so affirming to put yourself out there with courage and vulnerability, and for life to give back, beckoning us to unexpected and serendipitous places. Thank you!

My solo trip to Mexico City comes directly after in preparation for a new life—it is the result of taking back my power and stepping in the direction of creating a life that is entirely my own. 

On the morning of my flight to Mexico City, I was consumed with disbelief. Somewhere along the way, I had become the kind of woman who booked a trip to another country where I only minimally spoke the dominant language. Years were spent admiring those courageous women from a distance, convinced that I could never acquire such audacity. But what inspires us often indicates the qualities we, too, possess that have not yet materialized.

In the aftermath of a breakup, I had simply pressed a few buttons on my computer, leading me to standing in the middle of my hometown’s vacant airport at 3 A.M. Bizarre. Yet I sensed that I was about to embark on a journey that would mark a defining point in my life, only to be fully understood in retrospect.  

I read Tales of a Female Nomad by Rita Golden Gelman as the plane settled above a sea of clouds. A synchronicity appeared—Gelman’s first solo trip after her separation was also Mexico City, and this adventure fatefully set the course of her long-term nomadic lifestyle as a single woman. What is it about relationship endings that lead to such propulsive new beginnings? 

“I am being reborn. I am symbolically peeling away the person I have become and releasing the woman who has been trapped inside all these years. Soon the new me will be going out into the world on a journey of self-discovery.”

—Rita Golden Gelman, Tales of a Female Nomad

I landed in Mexico bright-eyed like a child, eager to step into another culture and figure it out as I went. After facing a slight hurdle at the airport, I was enormously grateful to be carried to my destination.

With every ride, I had an immense appreciation for the numerous drivers who safely drove me, with a gentle kindness, to where I needed to be. It is a luxury often taken for granted, but to be alone in a new country evokes profound gratitude toward each helper along the way. Muchas gracias was a phrase I would express repeatedly, feeling it in the core of my being.

Without a plan, I began to wander. I first felt the discomfort of lingering gazes, causing a heightened awareness of unmistakably being a foreign woman alone. In these initial moments of unease, I doubted myself and was critical of my life choices.

My past social anxiety had returned with a force, and that pestering fearful voice plagued my thoughts: I’m too sensitive to the energy of big cities; why did I choose the LARGEST city in North America as my first trip alone in another country, and not an isolated, peaceful island? To make it worse, I’ll be here for seven days, the longest trip I've ever done by myself. What have I gotten myself into?!

As I tried to navigate the city while also being met with the unsettling reality of having extremely poor cell service, it seemed to me that I had thrown myself into a chaotic situation that I was absolutely not prepared for. My fear-based instinct was to crawl back into my comfort zone and never again attempt to be brave.

But with hours to go before I could check in and disappear into my condo, I ran into the first taqueria that seemed inviting, relieved to be away from the overstimulating outside world. As destiny would have it, this restaurant provided exactly what I needed to restore my center.

The workers were welcoming and graciously patient, emanating a calmness that poured into me. After a nourishing meal of exceptionally fresh guacamole and delectable tacos, I was soothed by the healing power of authentic Mexican food.

I understood that two choices with vastly different outcomes were now in front of me: I could resist this experience and shrink into the walls of my condo for the next week, or I could surrender and be an open vessel for life’s teachings.

Dramatically, I emerged from that taqueria as a new woman.

By surrendering, I was suddenly in a city that no longer intimidated me. A divine tranquility rushed through me as I allowed myself to trust the journey. Examining my surroundings with fresh eyes, I felt a kinship with the bohemian and creative vibe of the Roma Norte neighborhood.

I noticed the multicolored buildings: golden, periwinkle, cherry red, forest green; the potted plants of all species that seemed to grow with abandon and delight; the bountiful trees that lined the sidewalks. How the intricate details in the architecture, like an arched wooden door outlined with decorative Spanish tiles, created unique charm. And the jacarandas were in bloom, adding bursts of lavender hues throughout the city! 

I strolled through the streets with a newfound confidence, spending the rest of the day at a stunning cafebrería—a bookstore and café combination prevalent in Mexico City. While I indulged in an iced herbal fruit tea and journaled, I reveled in the gift of peace and solitude. The shuttered windows were open and the light flowed in as I wrote with conviction: Yes, yes, yes. I am exactly where I belong.

Each day, there was space given to spontaneity. I cherished my long stretches of time at Parque Mexico—on an ordinary Monday evening, there were energetic salsa dancing classes, teenagers breakdancing, dogs roaming freely, yoga and tai chi, roller skaters, and vigorous boxers.

I leisurely visited museums, seeking out historical and artistic exhibitions that fueled both my intellect and creativity. I wrote and read at sophisticated cafés while being serenaded with ranchera music, went on successful hunts for superior tacos, took a lively churro cooking class, and participated in a group excursion to the fascinating Teotihuacan pyramids.

Museo Nacional de Antropología

As the week progressed, the distress of being alone did not return. I felt held and guided by unseen forces during those inevitable moments when I was unsure of what to do, and witnessed divinity within the generosity and kindness of locals who helped me to navigate. Angels were everywhere I went, gesturing me forward whenever I was stuck. 

With my arms outstretched and my heart radiating with gratitude, I became a magnet for synchronicity and fortuitous connections.

“I move throughout the world without a plan, guided by instinct, connecting through trust, and constantly watching for serendipitous opportunities.”

—Rita Golden Gelman, Tales of a Female Nomad

A coffee date with the lovely Substack writer Meagan Ayana led to spontaneously getting meaningful tattoos together at an eclectic art pop-up market only hours after meeting and becoming instant friends. It was my first one, a moon that I had always wanted, marked during the new moon in Pisces and symbolic of the seeds that I am planting in this potent season of rebirth.

“Our day was filled with synchronicity, spontaneity, laughter, lattes, and delicious vegan tacos. We met up at the local Chiquitito Cafe and bonded over our newfound love of the city, writing, and how we’re embracing our single lives. We then got lost and made our way to the local park and found a cool vendor market, did a little shopping, chowed down on those vegan tacos I mentioned, and got tattoos!”

—Meagan Ayana, “Embracing Change: My Curiosity and Need for Adventure Called Me to Mexico City”

With each unanticipated new relationship, there was a sense of destiny at work behind the scenes. While at Parque Mexico, I bonded with a content creator who had moved to the city. As we discussed our roots, we were astonished to discover that we grew up in the same neighborhood, living just one street away from each other for the past 20 years!

No matter how uncanny, every synchronicity was received as a delightful sign that I am on the right path, and more gifts would unveil themselves as I continued to embrace the flow of life.

Still, this trip was never meant to be an escape from healing my heart (wherever you go, there you are). There were painfully lonely nights where I consumed the most incredible tacos of my life while binge-watching One Day and crying from the depths of my soul. I was confronted with the intensity of every emotion; heartbreak cracks you wide open.

And yet I knew, simultaneously, that I was blooming in fertile land. In this open field of my new life, my journey to Mexico City produced a substantial tree with ripened fruits. I had something glorious to work with now; I would bear the fruits—increased personal power, courage, faith, and aligned connections—and continue planting.

To my surprise, the next seed would come as an offering from Mexico’s synchronicities: a plant medicine retreat in the Sacred Valley of Peru in only a month’s time.

𖤓 What is something that you are deeply craving to do? Write out what the fearful voice is saying about your desire. Next, write about your desire from a place of trust.

𖤓 In which areas of your life, if any, do you need to release control and surrender? What is preventing you from giving up control?

𖤓 What is your personal relationship with synchronicity? When do you most notice them showing up in your life?

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